of PCOs, Journey to Fertility and Miracle...

Still hanging on

2009-08-14T02:43:00.000-07:00

The success of this infertility treatment depends on the response of your body to the medication given to you. So don’t judge the procedure just because I feel awful with how it ended with mine. Who knows? This treatment will work on you.

Regarding the pain I feel during injections, I get used to it after many days of injecting. I survived 18 consecutive days of injections right in my belly. So don’t be afraid. Just make sure you follow your doctor’s instruction regarding the procedure. Do that and you’ll be doing fine.

Before we left the clinic, we discussed about Menopur which is an injectable also. She told us that perhaps one of the reasons why my eggs is not responding was because Puregon has only FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone). Whereas, Menopur have both follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), which helps stimulate egg production; and luteinizing hormone (LH), which helps the eggs mature and release (ovulate). For the nest treatment, we are considering to use Menopur.

This is one of the facts that I learned to accept. With my infertility issues, I accepted every possible way for me to conceive. I have no choice but to try this treatment. And I will give it another try soon as I have the financial resources to avail of this treatment. I still want to believe that my eggs will respond at a higher dose of Menopur.

Infertile couples need to know the reason why you are infertile. What causes your infertility? Discuss with your doctor other options for treatment. You also need to discuss the details of the treatment as well as the cost. There is plenty of information flooding the net. Search for other things your doctor does not usually discuss with you like your diet and other alternative medicines of herbs. If you have other illness, you have to discuss it with your doctor.

Good luck to your quest for fertility and pregnancy.

is this for real?

2009-08-14T02:29:00.000-07:00

My hubby and I went to my OB’s clinic this afternoon. My doc had to check my eggs through the ultrasound machine. The result was devastating. My eggs weren’t responding to the 75 IU of Puregon. My doctor presented us two options. First, we’ll continue the Puregon injection but in a higher dosage that is, 105IU per day. If we’ll continue the injection, I’ll be taking in 105 IU of Puregon for 7 days. Buying that solution will tantamount to about P/ 25,000 – 30,000 . That amount of money is just too much for us. I told myself this “baby making treatment is costing us fortune”. Second, to stop the injection and try again next month but we’ll be starting with 105 IU of Puregon.

I wanted to tell my hubby that I still have few savings left. I wanted to give it a try for few more days. Who knows what happens next? However, that is not wise. I do feel I need to rest my body from all the injections I have had. Just this afternoon I received my last shot of Puregon before I had my ultrasound. Yah, I do feel the need to rest for a while and not to think about this treatment. Is there a medicine that will make me forget about all this fuzz on fertility treatment and what I’m going through? Can I be somebody else? Can I swap body with another woman? But who wants an infertile body? … Nobody.

Is it too much to beg God for a child? I've been begging Him for our child. Is it too much when in fact there are women aborting their child? Not to mention those who just left them on the streets, in the garbage or in a bag.

Why was this disease given to me? What have I done to deserve this? What did I do to cause this? Is there anything more to do that I haven’t done or thought of before? Is there any other procedure or fertility treatment that don’t cost so much?

Why me?

Is it really happening to me? I thought treating PCO is just simple sickness that could just be driven away by few antibiotics?

Why me?

While I was sitting on the passenger’s seat while my hubby is driving us home, I wanted to scream. I wanted to ask “Why”? “Why me?” But to whom should I address my question? Who will answer all my queries? I need to hear the answers.

I have so many questions. No one will answer.

I have worked like a horse for so many years. I have been a good girl. I have given up my career. I have given up big part of me just so I could devout sufficient time for this treatment. And this is what I got.

Is this my reward?

There are many things in my mind. Suddenly, I wanted to do many things if only to forget my situation. I wanted to run as far away as I could. Yes, to run and never stop. I want to escape from this infertility as if I could outrun it. I wanted to climb mountains and never come back. I wanted to escape. But to whom am I escaping? I can never escape from this situation. It will always be with me wherever I go. This has become part of me perhaps I could never get rid of. This is me. This is me now. I have been crying since I heard that bad news from my doctor. I haven’t stopped crying. I am crying as if my tears will wipe away all my miseries.

When will this end?

How will this end?

Will it end?

Will I still be able to conceive?

Only God knows the answer.

But you know God; I do need to hear your answer.

anxiously waiting for saturday's result

2009-08-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

Since the beginning of my fertility treatment using puregon shots, i was always anxious and nervous of what the outcome be. There were times when I just cry. When we go to church, i cry as I talk to my God how I feel and how i'm doing. And there's a word i often tell my husband and that is:"SORRY".

I keep on telling him "sorry". I'm saying sorry because there's no guarantee i could give him children. I'm saying sorry because since we got married, I always get sick and he always spend for my medication. I'm saying sorry because there are things I could not do because of my condition. I'm saying sorry because of all he trouble and hassle he does every time he goes out of his work just because we need to go to the hospital for my check-up. and i'm saying sorry because he had to go back and forth our home and hospital to buy my medicine, pay our bill, buy my food, etc. All throughout the treatment he gave me the puregon shot. i didn't have the nerve to inject it myself. So he had to excuse himself from their office at a certain time of the day just to be home in time for my injection. and i would again tell him: "I'm sorry".

For all the trouble and for loving me ...
thank you so much, my Andy

I chat with my brother a while ago, he reminded me not to focus so much on "baby making" and "infertility" issue because it only make me depressed. Well, he is right. And i'm so anxious with the week's fertility treatment. Come saturday, my doctor will check the growth of my eggs. What will the result be? Will there be significant growth? Will my Estradiol level soar high enough to stimulate my eggs to mature? or Will imy eggs remain small and immature?

If my eggs remains unstimulated, all we spent on this treatment will be wasted. We spent so much on this treatment, failing it will be devastating to me. I have spoken to my husband about it. I don't know how to describe the sadness in his face.

Despite my doubt and fear, I pray for the success of this treatment.

This morning I whisphered a prayer to God about my anxiety. I told Him perhaps what I'm asking is impossible but I know nothing is impossible to Him. I have reached the end of my rope; I surrendered to Him all my worries. After all, i am just human.

My brother told me to do something that would divert my attention to this infertility treatment. He suggested that i should go to school again. I would love to enroll in fashion school but to this day I don't have the financial capacity since this treatment is taking so much of our finances. I'm keeping my fingers cross.

friends

2009-08-13T07:19:00.000-07:00

I have trouble sending e-mail to my brother so i posted these pictures here instead. LOL. This photo was taken last May when our dear friend, Pat, came to visit us. Before going to his board review in Manila, he paid us a visit. He volunteered to take care of me while I was still confined in the hospital for tonsilo pharyngitis and urinary tract infection. But he came day after my doctor released me. Not to mention the storm that hit Pampanga City that week. Still in between the rain shower and little streaks of sunshine, we went out to take these photos. LOL. This is just outside the Clark Air Base in Angeles City, Pampanga.

This is Pat Avery. He is currently taking medical board exam. We pray he will pass the said exam and earned his doctor's license. Goodluck to you Pat!

God bless you.

I realized bleak moments in our lives become brighter and our hearts are lightened with the presence of friends and families... near and far. Thanks Pat for your visit.

And I owe a lot to my family
to my parents for being supportive to what i went through...
to brother Clark, my sister Eva and cousin Gerelyn for spending so much specially on long distance call just to check me. I miss you all. Hope you are all in good health and company.

just another day with puregon

2009-08-10T03:59:00.000-07:00

I had my check-up this morning. I had my ultrasound again and the result isn’t promising. My eggs are not that responding positively to the Puregon. So my OB prescribed another 300 IU of Puregon. So I paid P/ 12,000 for the vial alone. Sigh. I felt terrible. Why are my eggs not so eager in responding to my medication?

The thought of all the financial expenses incurred on this treatment makes it more unbearable and devastating. Since my husband was still in the air base, I waited for him inside the clinic. I didn’t bother reading magazine if only not to notice time. I was sitting and lost in my thought. Is this really happening to me? For the Puregon alone, we already spent as of this day about P/ 50,000. More than P/ 60,000 if I am to include all the tests did to me in the monitoring of my eggs. Yet, despite the amount spent on this treatment, I still see no sign of hope. I’m on my 15th day beginning the 1st day of my menstruation. On the regular cycle of a woman, it is day 12 which is the peak of her ovulation. So day 15th is just to utilize whatever it is for my eggs to ovulate. It is not a promising data.

So there I was sitting in the middle of the clinic lost in my thought. How am I supposed to explain this to my husband? This treatment is draining whatever small savings we have. I sent sms to my brother who is in other country and my sister who is at home telling them of the heart-breaking result. They both consoled me saying we did what we could. That I have to let it go and let God take charge.

I couldn’t contain my emotions, I went outside and cried. It’s good that the clinic is near a busy street so people didn’t notice I was crying. I asked God: “why are you not listening to me?” and as if I realized it was I who wasn’t listening to Him. Perhaps, he had already told me conceiving this time is not possible and yet I persisted on my plan and now that things didn’t go as I expected I come to Him.
I don’t know what else to think. Or what else to tell God.
I guess I’m just tired right now.

Dear God, do you hear me? Do you hear my thoughts and prayers?

The Turmoil Within Me

2009-08-06T20:21:00.000-07:00

Had I known this will happen now,... this infertility thing... I should have had sex when I was still in my 20s. Lots and lots of sex. Sex there, here... sex everywhere. Sex with various men. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so bad and terrible thinking I deserve this to happen. But I didn’t. I have saved sex for true love. Saving sex for my husband, whoever he is. It was only when I met my husband that I had sex. And that made this infertility issue unbearable. Do I deserve to be infertile? Do I deserve this?

I can’t help but ask God, WHY?

But then again…

Who am I to question His plans for me?

You are omniscient; the all-knowing God. Yet I feel the need to tell you what I’m going through. And still I offer you all my fears, and anxieties, Lord. Even my angry thoughts and frustrations, I made known to You. I wanted to run and ask you the reasons for my infertility. To cry on your shoulder and tell you how sad I feel now. Will I be able to conceive and give birth to our children? Do you know how long we waited for our children to come? Did you know I cried yesterday upon learning my Estradiol level dropped? Have you seen the look on my husband’s face when he saw the result? Did you hear him saying:” I felt I lost from casino.”? Our money comes and goes like water. We already spent a fortune.” Can you hear our heart's desire to have children of our own?

But in the end, You are still God. And we cling to you during this ordeal.

My Estradiol Level Dropped

2009-08-06T19:30:00.000-07:00

My estradiol level dropped. it's terrible!!!!!

I didn’t blog yesterday because I felt terrible. I felt so awful I didn’t feel blogging my thoughts and feelings. But this morning soon as I woke up I felt the need to blog. I need the world to know what happened to me on my treatment. I owe to women who, just like me, are struggling infertility.

August 6

My doc lowered the Puregon dosage I’m injecting for 5 days. From 75IU of Puregon she lowered it to just 50 IU. This was done to avoid over stimulation and other risks entailed. So we woke up early and went to the hospital for my lab test. I was so excited yesterday to have my Estradiol taken. I was expecting a higher level result. On the contrary, the result was heart-breaking. From 104pg/ml (August 01), yesterday it dived to just 73pg/ml. I felt awful. It was as if my world turned pitched black. All throughout our drive to my OB’s clinic, we were both silent. I didn’t know what to tell my husband. I couldn’t explain why my body didn’t yield higher Estradiol result. I was thinking 5 days of injecting daily 50IU of Puregon not to mention the money incurred in acquiring the medicine, were wasted. I felt like I’m a laboratory rat. Everything done to my body was series of tests to know which medicine and dosage will make my body respond positively.

When we got to the clinic and handed the result to my doc, my heart sank deeper when she confirmed my fear. Why do I need to hear it from the doc? The result was clear. My body wasn’t responding to just 50IU of Puregon for 5 days. She told me she only prescribed 75IU of Puregon to her fat clients. She then told me I’m neither fat nor thin yet I didn’t respond to 50 IU of Puregon. Thus, the need to resort to 75 IU of Puregon.

I would have told her, “You shouldn’t have lowered the dosage. Now see what happened. Our money was wasted, so was 5 days of stabbing my belly.” I wanted to tell her that word for word. But I didn’t. I chickened out. Besides, I also know for a fact that there was no way of knowing how my body will respond given continuous high dosage of Puregon.

The good thing with Estradiol is we can monitor developments whether I’m responding to Puregon or perhaps I’m already over stimulated. Still it doesn’t change the fact how I feel after the drop of my Estradiol level. I’m afraid we’re spending so much money and failing after. I was crying yesterday and telling my hubby about my anxiety over this Puregon and failing issues. What’s in store for us? What will be the outcome of this fertility treatment? What’s gonna happen next? I’ve given up my career for this treatment. I’ve given up my passion for fashion. I left my parents and our home and moved in with my husband. And I’m scared after giving up almost everything nothing might happen. Nothing good might happen.

I just want to bear children Lord. Why is it taking so much time and money? What have I done to deserve this?

My Daily Shots of Puregon

2009-08-06T16:48:00.000-07:00

I wanted to note my daily injections of Puregon. I will be updating it from time to time. The tests were arranged chronologically, that is according to the time there were taken or done.

Jul 28

My 1^sttime to undergo Estradiol Test. Result 54pg/ml ---------------Paid P/ 1,200

My 1^sttime to undergo FSH Test. Result 54pg/m ----------------Paid P/ 750

Ultrasound to check the size of my egg

My 1^st day of Puregon shot.

Doc prescribed 75 IU/day of Puregon for 4 days. July 28-31

Bought 1 vial 300 IU of Puregon ------------------Paid P/ 12,000

Total spending for this day's medicine and tests ------------------Paid P/ 17,850

Aug 1

Estradiol Test. Result 103.29 pg/ml --------------------Paid P/ 1,200

Ultrasound to check the size of my egg. No Estradiol test done.

Doc prescribed50 IU/day of Puregon for Aug 1-3

Bought 3 vials of Puregon with 50IU each vial -----------------------Paid P/ 7,500

Doc's fee and TVS -----------------------Paid P/ 600

Bought medicine for my UTI ----------------------Paid P 1,000

Total spending for this day's medicine and tests ---------------------Paid P/10 ,300

Aug 4

Ultrasound to check the size of my egg. No Estradiol test done.

Doc prescribed 50IU/day of Puregon for 2 more days (Aug 4-6)

Bought 2 vials of Puregon with 50IU each vial ---------------------Paid P/ 5,000

Doc's fee and TVS ----------------------Paid P/ 600

Total spending for this day's medicine and tests ---------------------Paid P/5 ,600

Aug 6

Estradiol Test result 73pg/ml ---------------------Paid P/ 1,200

Ultrasound to check the size of my egg.

Doc prescribed 75 IU/day of Puregon for 4 days. Aug 6-10

Bought 1 vial 300 IU of Puregon ---------------------Paid P/ 12,000

Doc's fee and TVS ---------------------Paid P/ 600

Total spending for this day's medicine and tests ---------------------Paid P/13 ,800

Aug 10

Ultrasound to check the size of my egg.

Doc prescribed 75 IU/day of Puregon for 4 days. Aug 10 - 13

Bought 1 vial 300 IU of Puregon ---------------------Paid P/ 12,000

Doc's fee and TVS ---------------------Paid P/ 600

Urinalysis (Urine Test)

Aug 14 - Day 18 since the 1st day of injecting Puregon

had my last shot of Puregon before my appointment w/ my OB

Ultrasound to check the size of my egg.

Result: size of eggs are not significant enough to mature

doc's verdict to abandon the treatment and rest for a while and continue if we already have the money

God has given us a great gift

2009-08-05T05:46:00.000-07:00

And her legacy lives on…

2009-08-05T05:40:00.000-07:00

Today is the burial of our beloved Pres. Corazon C. Aquino. It will be the last time we’ll she her. But I pray we will never forget the legacy she had left us. Let us continue to nurture and guard the democracy that we enjoy today.

We bury our dear departed President Corazon C. Aquino, but not her legacy. She will continuously live in every Filipino who stands on guard against those who threatens to suppress our freedom.

Why do I weep for Cory?

2009-08-05T05:38:00.000-07:00

No, I’m not a relative. I have never seen her in person. I never even had the chance to speak to her. So, why am I weeping as though my kin died?

I look up to her like a daughter looks up to her mother. She had been a good mom to us Filipinos by living the values of integrity, moral excellence, simplicity and piety.

During the Marcos regime, our nation was shattered by suppression of freedom, chaos and uncertainty. She stood to unify our nation. Urging us to make a stand for what is right and just. She taught us that change is possible. She showed us that strength does not only imply the use force and violence alone. And change we got and we won back our freedom without any spill of blood. Despite her lack of political experience, she dared to accept the responsibility to lead the Filipinos. Her term as our president was never tarnished with scandals of graft and corruption.

Amidst the turmoil that plagues her during her life first as a mere wife of Ninoy Aquino, then as his widow and later as our president, she often resort to prayer and find solace, strength and peace in God. All throughout her life, she never loses sight of God who was always with her.

She never left her people even when her term for presidency ended. She continuously tends her us; guiding us to the right path. She calls the attention of those leaders whom she knew does not serve the best interest of our people. She does these things always accompanied with prayer.

Towards the end of her life, just when she thought suffering was done with her, colon cancer gripped her. She embraced her suffering. Every pain she felt she offered all to God. Even though she was sick already, she would ask if her kids, grandchildren and medical staff had eaten their meal. She was always the self-less Cory; ever mindful of the needs and welfare of others.

That’s what mothers do to her children.

She was a loving mother always by her children’s side.

She taught us many good things and shared her wisdom.

She looks after us her children.

She was never domineering and imposing.

She never grew tired of praying for us and for our nation.

And this is why I shed tears for Pres. Cory. I felt her loss.

She had fought a good fight. And finished the course which her husband, Ninoy, started.

Demokrasya at pananampalataya.

Ito ang mga pamana niya sa ating lahi.

Pagyamanin natin ito.

Panatilihin natin ito.

Rest now our beloved Cory.

Farewell our dear mother.

You had a life well lived.

Estradiol- How the Test is Performed

2009-08-04T07:39:00.000-07:00

Blood is drawn from a vein, usually from the inside of the elbow or the back of the hand. The site is cleaned with germ-killing medicine (antiseptic). The health care provider wraps an elastic band around the upper arm to apply pressure to the area and make the vein swell with blood.

Next, the health care provider gently inserts a needle into the vein. The blood collects into an airtight vial or tube attached to the needle. The elastic band is removed from your arm.

Once the blood has been collected, the needle is removed, and the puncture site is covered to stop any bleeding.

another shot of puregon

2009-08-04T07:27:00.001-07:00

This morning we went to my OBGyne's clinic for another check-up. I had my ultrasound. The follicle has grown in size but not big enough to be matured. Thus, my OBGyne prescribed to continue injecting 50IU of Puregon per day for two days. The clinic assistant administered my shot of Puregon.

This morning session with my doctor cost us P/ 5,600.

Since, I felt the on-set of another urinary tract infection, my doctor advised me to have my urinalysis which I oblige. Upon seeing my laboratory result which indicated I am having another high infection, she prescribed me Uritracin 400 mg tablet to be taken twice a day for 7 days.

By August 6 I will have another blood test of Estradiol.

Puregon 50 IU/0.5 ml Solution for injection

2009-08-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

I had my third shot of 50 IU of Puregon. The same procedure we did with our 1^st shot using the Terumo 26 G x 1/2" syringe. Again, before injecting I rubbed the area to be punctured with cotton which I dipped in alcohol. I pinched my belly. Then my husband injected the Puregon on the right side of my tummy. Just like the previous 2 shots, it was quite painful. I wished it's Puregon pen we used instead. After draining the syringe with its content, I continuously rubbed in circular motion the area around the punctured skin. Whenever I do that I felt relieved of pain. So I did that until I no longer feel any pain.

I took a nap after. My hubby woke me for lunch.

The varying response level of women to FSH makes it impossible to set a dosage schedule which is suitable for all patients. In view of this, my doctor prescribed 50 iu/ day of Puregon for the next three successive injections. This dose may be adjusted as my treatment progresses. To find the right dosage, follicle growth is checked by means of ultrasound scanning. This is why my hubby and I are going back to the clinic tomorrow; I’ll have my ultrasound again. I’m keeping my fingers cross and hope that my eggs are growing and responding well to Puregon.

Prayer For A Happy Death by Cory Aquino

2009-08-02T17:51:00.001-07:00

Almighty God, most merciful Father
You alone know the time
You alone know the hour
You alone know the moment
When I shall breathe my last.

So, remind me each day,
most loving Father
To be the best that I can be.
To be humble, to be kind,
To be patient, to be true.
To embrace what is good,
To reject what is evil,
To adore only You.

When the final moment does come
Let not my loved ones grieve for long.
Let them comfort each other
And let them know
how much happiness
They brought into my life.
Let them pray for me,
As I will continue to pray for them,
Hoping that they will always pray
for each other.

Let them know that they made possible
Whatever good I offered to our world.
And let them realize that our separation
Is just for a short while
As we prepare for our reunion in eternity.

Our Father in heaven,
You alone are my hope.
You alone are my salvation.
Thank you for your unconditional love, Amen.

News article: Cory Aquino Dies at 76

Estradiol

2009-08-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

The estradiol test is a very common diagnostic procedure used to help evaluate your ovarian reserve. In combination with the Day 3 FSH test, the estradiol test can help to determine the quantity and quality of your eggs, helping you to become pregnant.

What is Estradiol?

Estradiol is actually a type of estrogen, which is the major female reproductive hormone. Estradiol is the primary type of estrogen, and it is produced in your ovaries. As they grow and develop, your egg follicles secrete estradiol, helping to trigger the rest of the reproductive cycle.

What is the Estradiol Test?

The estradiol test is a diagnostic procedure used to measure the levels of estradiol in your blood stream. It is performed in conjuction with the Day 3 FSH test. A simple blood test, the estradiol test is performed in order to determine a woman's ovarian reserve. It is also performed in order to confirm a woman's FSH test

Performed on Day 3 of your menstrual cycle, the estradiol test is one of the most common fertility testing procedures. Most women undergoing fertility treatments will receive the estradiol test. Women have particular levels of estradiol during different stages of their menstrual cycle. By analyzing these levels on Day 3, your reproductive endocrinologist can determine your ovarian reserve. The amount of estradiol in your blood on Day 3 can also indicate whether or not your FSH test was accurate or not.

Estradiol and Infertility

High estradiol levels can have an impact on your infertility. Elevated levels of estradiol tend to indicate a problem with ovarian reserve. In high amounts, estradiol can suppress the amount of FSH in your system. This can cause your Day 3 FSH test to be inaccurate. In many cases, a high estradiol level indicates a complication with FSH and ovarian reserve. This can lead to:

lower pregnancy rates
poor ovulation
poor response to ovulation-inducing fertility drugs
poorer success rate with IVF

Who Can Benefit from the Estradiol Test?

All women undergoing fertility treatment can benefit from the estradiol test. Because it is secreted by your ovarian follicles, the amount of estradiol can indicate how far along you are in your follicular cycle. However, certain women are more likely to be offered the estradiol test, including:

women over the age of 35
women with unexplained infertility
women with a normal Day 3 FSH test result

The Estradiol Test Procedure

The estradiol test procedure is extremely safe and straightforward. On Day 1 of your menstrual cycle, contact your fertility clinic and make an appointment to have the test. On Day 3 of your cycle, you will have your blood drawn from your arm. This blood sample will be sent to your clinic's laboratory for testing. Results should be available within a few days.

The Results

Normal Day 3 estradiol levels tend to be around 80 pg/mL or lower. If your estradiol levels are higher than this, than this could indicate a problem with your ovulation. You may be further into your follicular phase than you should be, or your estradiol may be masking a problem with your FSH levels.

After the Estradiol Test

Your reproductive endocrinologist will discuss your test results with you. She will also suggest any further treatments that may be helpful in achieving pregnancy. These could include the use of birth control pills or other hormonal medications.

source: http://www.sharedjourney.com

PaaLam Tita Cory

2009-08-01T08:52:00.000-07:00

sana magkaroon ng magandang pagbabago ang ating bansa

Ninoy Aquino's Love Poem for Cory

2009-08-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

The late national hero Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino, Jr., wrote this poem for his wife, former president Corazon C. Aquino, decades ago. Composer and singer Jose Mari Chan later set the piece into music and included it in his album, Constant Change.

I have fallen in love
with the same woman three times;
In a day spanning 19 years
of tearful joys and joyful tears.

I loved her first when she was young,
enchanting and vibrant, eternally new.
She was brilliant, fragrant,
and cool as the morning dew.

I fell in love with her the second time;
when first she bore her child and mine
always by my side, the source of my strength,
helping to turn the tide.

But there were candles to burn
the world was my concern;
while our home was her domain.
and the people were mine
while the children were hers to maintain;

So it was in those eighteen years and a day.
’till I was detained; forced in prison to stay.

Suddenly she’s our sole support;
source of comfort,
our wellspring of Hope.
on her shoulders felt the burden of Life.

I fell in love again,
with the same woman the third time.
Looming from the battle,
her courage will never fade

Amidst the hardships she has remained,
undaunted and unafraid.
she is calm and composed,
she is God’s lovely maid.

And Today The Nation Wept for Her Passing

2009-08-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

My husband and I were up early this morning for my appointment in the hospital laboratory. The first thing we heard on the news is that our beloved Pres. Corazon C. Aquino died at 3:18 a.m. I cried. I felt sad. She had been an epitome of peace, a unifying factor, a “mother figure” to us, Filipinos. She had been in the politics and yet she did not succumb to the immoralities and corruption so perfectly lived by many leaders of our country. She always stayed calm and peaceful despite the many trials she encountered.

When what seemed to be insurmountable ordeal came, she urged Filipinos to stay calm and to pray and pray for guidance. She was an instrument for the restoration of our democracy. She effect change in government without violence. This is her legacy not just to the Filipinos but to the world.

She will be envied by many politicians for her passing revealed that she is indeed loved by so many people. Many of us never even saw her in person. We wept for the passing of a good and gentle person. Tonight as I watched the news, people are continuously going to her wake. Some of them came from far places. They wanted to pay their respect to the person who never even laid an eyes on them. What a love for our departed president.

She will forever remain in our hearts. Her works will forever be remembered.

To our current leaders, and to those coming leaders, may you emulate her good examples.

Stand only for what is right and just…
To step down from the power when your term is up.
To give others a chance to serve our country.
That when you serve, may you always put in mind and deed, first and foremost, the welfare your people.
May you emulate her morale excellence and integrity.

at the Carmelites Monastery

2009-08-01T07:57:00.000-07:00

It took about 5 minutes to extract blood for my Estradiol Level test. My husband was waiting outside the laboratory. Since we still have more than 2 hours of waiting left, we went to the Carmelites’ Monastery. We prayed the rosary before the altar. We offered many petitions. We prayed for the success of this fertility treatment with the Puregon injections. If ever I get pregnant, we prayed for the health of our child and that there will be no infection to occur during my pregnancy and childbirth. We also prayed for our family who are currently living in distant cities and country. For our guidance and strength to this ordeal.

When my husband uttered..”your will be done, Lord”… that’s when I felt a lump on my throat and I cried. Yes, Lord you are powerful. If it is your will, it will be done. And to this prayer, I felt sad and I felt so helpless. I’m always begging the Lord to have mercy on us and give us our own child. We have done all that we could do as human. And this is the farthest thing we could afford. We are not millionaire; we cannot afford “test tube” babies. My family has spent so much with this procedure. If this fails, we cannot afford another procedure like this. So, today we lift it all up to the Lord, the Almighty. Only He could give us miracle. So from this moment on, it is the Lord’s work and may He show us His mercy by blessing us with our own child.

Before leaving the monastery, we dropped our petition and lighted a candle.

Monitoring My Estradiol Level

2009-08-01T07:27:00.000-07:00

30 July 09

My husband gave me my 3rd shot of 75 iu of Puregon. This time it was injected on the right side of my belly. He was quite shaky. Even without openly admitting that he was nervous, I could sense he was. In fact, when he drove the needle to my skin, he wasn’t aware he was drawing out the needle again so I held his hand steady . And again we counted 10 before withdrawing the needle. I’m quite used to being poke with needles. LOL.

31 July 09

The 4th shot of 75 iu of Puregon. He came home early to give me my injection. He gave me shot on the left side of my belly. The procedure went smoothly. I slept after the shot.

01 August 09

This morning we left home before 7 a.m. We headed straight to the hospital to have my laboratory test. Today I had my Estradiol Test and paid P/1,200 (pesos). Since the result will be available after 3 hours we headed to the market and bought food for this week’s consumption. We bought papaya, grapes, and green lemons. For vegetables we had string beans, eggplant, squash and spices.

After claiming my Estradiol result we went to my OB’s clinic. The result is 103.29 pg/ml. Then I had my ultrasound again which is done inside the clinic. She checked the size of my eggs. The result is quite good since the eggs increased in size. She then prescribed 50 iu of Puregon/ day for 3 successive days starting today, August 1-3. Then we will be back to the clinic on August 4 for the next check-up. She has to closely monitor the development of the eggs so as not to over stimulate it. Her clinic assistant administered the shot. This time she did not use the Puregon pen. Instead, she used syringe. She sucked the solution from the vial then replaced the needle with a thinner one. She said we have to make sure that there is no longer bubble inside the syringe before injecting it. She then pressed and held a portion of the right side of my belly before injecting the solution. Since the needle of the syringe is slightly wider than the Puregon pen, it is more painful. I lingered quite long in the private lounge rubbing my belly to ease the pain. For this morning session and procedure we paid P/ 8,100.

we've been waiting for you

2009-07-29T00:51:00.000-07:00

I long to feel you move in my tummy,

To hear your heart beat,

I yearn see your face,

My arms ache to hold you,

And wrap you with love

Only a mother could give.

And a lifetime to share.

When are you coming, baby?

We’ve been waiting for you.

The above poem is my personal composition. My desire and aspiration to be a mommy drive me to write this. It's been three long years my husband and I have been waiting for our own child. Our life as married couple is empty. I'm pretty sure kids' laughter and giggles and even their horrible cries are but melodies to us.

Credits:
Photos taken from Photobucket

Freebie Quick Page from:
http://scrapznbitz.blogspot.com

Infertility Sucks

2009-07-29T00:03:00.000-07:00

I do agree that infertility sucks. Makes me ask: “Why me?” And if you haven’t experienced it, you will never understand it. Do you how I feel every time an acquaintance ask my husband how many siblings we have? Do you know how I feel every time I see kids playing with their mom and dad? Do you know how inadequate I feel during family gatherings when my in-laws have hands full of kids and I have none? I feel awful and very sad whenever I see my husband’s envious face every time he looks at toddler. It tears me to my guts. Do you know what I think and feel every time I see or hear from the news of abandoned kids? Of kids being aborted? Of malnourished and uneducated kids because their parents could not afford to buy them food or send them to school?

Of all people, why me? Why can’t we have our own kids?

To make matters worse, I was already in my 30 when I got married. My husband and I accidentally learned of my condition when we went to an OBGyne. That was the time I learned I am technically infertile. I belonged to that category since I have an irregular menstruation. Ovulating, in my case, is unpredictable. Timing is a contributory aspect since we only meet every 3-5 months. His work place is somewhere in the northern part of my country while I am with my parents somewhere in the south. Separation with my husband due to our work location makes Fertility treatment and timing impossible.

We are earning enough to support a family. I was earning well before I learned of this awful condition. I had my job and own shop which I left just to be with my husband. I moved here near the air base with him.

This is my life now.

Far different from the one I loved and used to. Way back home, I work tirelessly meeting the demands of my clients. I made gowns for them. I love going places, meeting clients and going to the venue of their wedding and reception. I had my staff with me. I was in my own shop surrounded by mannequins, gowns, magazines, fabrics n scraps, machines… I could go on and on. When I start my day, I hardly notice time pass by. It’s like the clock has been chasing me and the next I know it’s dark already. I was a busy person. Always on the go.

Since I moved in with my hubby here, I find it so difficult to adjust. I find myself in this 4-corned walls of our room big enough for 2 person. We live in a barracks. I had none of my daily client-business-shop mood and routine. I haven’t heard a sewing machine’s noise for quite some time now. I haven’t done any gowns nor made design. Suddenly I find myself in the midst of this deafening silence that echoes in these four walls of our room. I feel so weird when suddenly I stopped earning my own dough, and stopped doing my job which is my passion. I feel so unproductive.

This is my life now. And this infertility and fertility treatment thoughts are becoming an everyday routine. It becomes part of my life now.

Blogging gives me a relief. Somehow it unleashes many of my emotions and feelings unspoken and unheard of. I draw strength from the many women struggling to keep their sanity in face of infertility.

We have already spent so much on this fertility treatment. I hope this Puregon injectable will succeed. I pray to God to hear the pleading of our hearts. May He be merciful to me and my husband. We really love to have our very own children.

I Made My Husband Inject Me with Puregon

2009-07-28T22:37:00.000-07:00

Day 2- injecting 75iu of puregon

I sent SMS to my hubby asking him to be home by 10:30 because I need my injection exactly 11:00 this morning. When he arrived he said he’s excited to do it. He even made a funny face. LOL. I was laughing at him so much that my belly is jiggling. Well, that made me feel so relaxed and less scared. He got the Puregon kit from the refrigerator. Put on new needle and set it at 75iu. I rubbed cotton with alcohol on the area which will be injected and held my belly then applied a little pressure. Then he injected it on the left side of my belly. We both started to count 1-10. Perhaps, he was scared too he didn’t notice he was slowly withdrawing the needle when we were still at count 3. I held his hand steady. And before I knew it, the count is over. I rubbed cotton in the punctured area. And we both started to laugh again. Later, we hugged. Oh, my hubby has his way of making me feel comfortable.

Maybe he was scared as I am. He's not a nurse so it's not everyday that he deals with needles and injections. However, one of us have to show bravery. and he did well. Incredibly, he brave the needle and made it. After that, he said he wants to sleep. Perhaps, his adrenalin is down the drainage now! LOL.

Foods that Cause Constipation

2009-07-28T22:35:00.000-07:00

1. Processed foods – refined white flour, white rice, sugars, pastries and all of the processed prepackaged foods where the fiber has been removed.

2. Foods high in hydrogenated and animal fats – cheese, ice cream, fatty meats, whole milk and snacks like chips and pizza.

3. High sugar, caffeine and non-nutritional drinks – alcohol, coffee, colas and fruit juice (since the fiber has been removed).

Bowel problems can also be a symptom of diseases, such as metabolism and nervous system conditions or irritable bowel syndrome. Here are all the main causes of constipation problems.

* Lack of exercise

* Stress and tension

* Drugs and Medications

* Too little fiber in the diet

* Not drinking enough water

* Disrupted routine (as when traveling

* Intentionally holding back (common in children)

constipation

2009-07-28T21:51:00.000-07:00

Last week has been quite a hell for my “ass”. LOL. I have frequent constipation. I’m experiencing hard, compacted stools that are difficult and painful to pass. This is so unusual of me. I talked to my doc about it and she said it’s not a problem that would complicate with my fertility treatment as long as I’m not bleeding due to it. She prescribed me Ultraproct, a suppository. I used one after defecating this morning.

Aside from lack of water intake, what are other factors that lead to constipation? Hmmnn…

Again, I turned to the net to look for answers. Here’s what I got.

The common causes of constipation are:

Not enough fiber in the diet - The American Dietetic Association recommends 20 to 35 grams of fiber each day. Examples of fiber-rich foods are unprocessed wheat bran, unrefined breakfast cereals, fresh fruits (except bananas), dried fruits, vegetables (except potatoes), grainy breads and legumes.

Not enough liquid - Liquids like water and juice add fluid to the colon and bulk to stools, making movements softer and easier to pass. Recommended daily consumption of liquid is eight, eight-ounce glasses (totaling 64 ounces) per day.

Lack of exercise

Medications - Some medications that can cause constipation are: analgesics (Codeine, Demerol, Perocdan), antacids (Maalox, Mylanta), anticholingerics (Donnatal), anticonvulsants (Dilantin), anti-depressants (Tricyclics), Beta-blockers (Inderal, Tenormin) iron and calcium supplements, pain medications, antispasmodics and diuretics.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) - IBS is a common condition marked by chronic or occasional diarrhea, alternating with constipation and accompanied by straining and abdominal cramps. (see Health Profile: IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME)

Lifestyle changes, such as pregnancy, aging and traveling
Laxative abuse - A laxative is a food or chemical substance that acts to loosen the bowels by softening and increasing the bulk of bowel contents, increasing the amount of water in the colon and lubricating the intestinal walls. Over time, laxatives can damage nerve cells in the colon and interfere with the colon's natural ability to contract.

Ignoring the urge to have a bowel movement

Diseases such as multiple sclerosis, Parkinson's disease, chronic idiopathic intestinal pseudo-obstruction, stroke, spinal cord injuries, diabetes, under-active and over-active thyroid gland, uremia (excess urine waste product), amyloidosis (accumulation in the tissues/organs of amyloid), lupus, scleroderma (an autoimmune disorder that affects the tissues/organs), colorectal cancer, depression, colon tumors, diverticulosis and Hirschsprung's disease.

Treatment of Constipation

Most cases of constipation respond to conservative treatment such as dietary and lifestyle changes or mild laxatives.

Dietary changes include getting enough of the recommended daily amount of fiber (20 to 35 grams), drinking 64 ounces of water or juice a day, and limiting foods that have little or no fiber, such as ice cream, cheese, meat and processed foods.

Lifestyle changes consist of exercising, reserving enough time to have a bowel movement and having a bowel movement when needed.

Laxatives may be recommended if the above changes did not help the constipation.

There are four types of laxatives - bulk-forming, stimulant, lubricant and saline. Bulk-forming laxatives, such as Metamucil, Citrucel and Serutan increase the volume of feces, making them softer and easier to pass. Stimulant laxatives, such as Correctol, Ex-Lax, Dulcolax, Purge, Feen-A-Mint and Senokot stimulate the intestinal wall to contract. Lubricant laxatives, such as mineral oil, soften the stool so it is easier to pass. Saline laxatives, such as Milk of Magnesia, Citrate of Magnesia and Haley's M-O, increase the concentration of salts within the feces.

Source:

http://www.healthscout.com/

Baby abandoned in Delivery Van

2009-07-28T18:47:00.000-07:00

I saw from ABS CBN news that somebody found a new born baby placed inside a bag and left in the delivery van.

News like this always crushed my heart. I ache for this baby and for the countless babies abandoned and aborted. That’s the roughest start a person could ever have, being abandoned or aborted by your own mother. It is terrible people do that.

That child did not ask to come into the world.

Credit:
This beautiful Quick Page is a Freebie i got from:
http://scrapznbitz.blogspot.com

Serenity Prayer

2009-07-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

What Can a Hug Say?

2009-07-28T08:24:00.001-07:00

CREDITS:
POEM composed by: Roni
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/8345.My_Poems
FREE QUICK PAGE by:
http://scrapznbitz.blogspot.com/