Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I long to feel you move in my tummy,
To hear your heart beat,
I yearn see your face,
My arms ache to hold you,
And wrap you with love
Only a mother could give.
And a lifetime to share.
When are you coming, baby?
We’ve been waiting for you.
The above poem is my personal composition. My desire and aspiration to be a mommy drive me to write this. It's been three long years my husband and I have been waiting for our own child. Our life as married couple is empty. I'm pretty sure kids' laughter and giggles and even their horrible cries are but melodies to us.
Credits:
Photos taken from Photobucket
Freebie Quick Page from:
http://scrapznbitz.blogspot.com
I do agree that infertility sucks. Makes me ask: “Why me?” And if you haven’t experienced it, you will never understand it. Do you how I feel every time an acquaintance ask my husband how many siblings we have? Do you know how I feel every time I see kids playing with their mom and dad? Do you know how inadequate I feel during family gatherings when my in-laws have hands full of kids and I have none? I feel awful and very sad whenever I see my husband’s envious face every time he looks at toddler. It tears me to my guts. Do you know what I think and feel every time I see or hear from the news of abandoned kids? Of kids being aborted? Of malnourished and uneducated kids because their parents could not afford to buy them food or send them to school?
Of all people, why me? Why can’t we have our own kids?
To make matters worse, I was already in my 30 when I got married. My husband and I accidentally learned of my condition when we went to an OBGyne. That was the time I learned I am technically infertile. I belonged to that category since I have an irregular menstruation. Ovulating, in my case, is unpredictable. Timing is a contributory aspect since we only meet every 3-5 months. His work place is somewhere in the northern part of my country while I am with my parents somewhere in the south. Separation with my husband due to our work location makes Fertility treatment and timing impossible.
We are earning enough to support a family. I was earning well before I learned of this awful condition. I had my job and own shop which I left just to be with my husband. I moved here near the air base with him.
Far different from the one I loved and used to. Way back home, I work tirelessly meeting the demands of my clients. I made gowns for them. I love going places, meeting clients and going to the venue of their wedding and reception. I had my staff with me. I was in my own shop surrounded by mannequins, gowns, magazines, fabrics n scraps, machines… I could go on and on. When I start my day, I hardly notice time pass by. It’s like the clock has been chasing me and the next I know it’s dark already. I was a busy person. Always on the go.
This is my life now. And this infertility and fertility treatment thoughts are becoming an everyday routine. It becomes part of my life now.
Blogging gives me a relief. Somehow it unleashes many of my emotions and feelings unspoken and unheard of. I draw strength from the many women struggling to keep their sanity in face of infertility.
We have already spent so much on this fertility treatment. I hope this Puregon injectable will succeed. I pray to God to hear the pleading of our hearts. May He be merciful to me and my husband. We really love to have our very own children.
