Monday, August 10, 2009
I had my check-up this morning. I had my ultrasound again and the result isn’t promising. My eggs are not that responding positively to the Puregon. So my OB prescribed another 300 IU of Puregon. So I paid P/ 12,000 for the vial alone. Sigh. I felt terrible. Why are my eggs not so eager in responding to my medication?
The thought of all the financial expenses incurred on this treatment makes it more unbearable and devastating. Since my husband was still in the air base, I waited for him inside the clinic. I didn’t bother reading magazine if only not to notice time. I was sitting and lost in my thought. Is this really happening to me? For the Puregon alone, we already spent as of this day about P/ 50,000. More than P/ 60,000 if I am to include all the tests did to me in the monitoring of my eggs. Yet, despite the amount spent on this treatment, I still see no sign of hope. I’m on my 15th day beginning the 1st day of my menstruation. On the regular cycle of a woman, it is day 12 which is the peak of her ovulation. So day 15th is just to utilize whatever it is for my eggs to ovulate. It is not a promising data.
So there I was sitting in the middle of the clinic lost in my thought. How am I supposed to explain this to my husband? This treatment is draining whatever small savings we have. I sent sms to my brother who is in other country and my sister who is at home telling them of the heart-breaking result. They both consoled me saying we did what we could. That I have to let it go and let God take charge.
I couldn’t contain my emotions, I went outside and cried. It’s good that the clinic is near a busy street so people didn’t notice I was crying. I asked God: “why are you not listening to me?” and as if I realized it was I who wasn’t listening to Him. Perhaps, he had already told me conceiving this time is not possible and yet I persisted on my plan and now that things didn’t go as I expected I come to Him.
I don’t know what else to think. Or what else to tell God.
I guess I’m just tired right now.
Dear God, do you hear me? Do you hear my thoughts and prayers?
The thought of all the financial expenses incurred on this treatment makes it more unbearable and devastating. Since my husband was still in the air base, I waited for him inside the clinic. I didn’t bother reading magazine if only not to notice time. I was sitting and lost in my thought. Is this really happening to me? For the Puregon alone, we already spent as of this day about P/ 50,000. More than P/ 60,000 if I am to include all the tests did to me in the monitoring of my eggs. Yet, despite the amount spent on this treatment, I still see no sign of hope. I’m on my 15th day beginning the 1st day of my menstruation. On the regular cycle of a woman, it is day 12 which is the peak of her ovulation. So day 15th is just to utilize whatever it is for my eggs to ovulate. It is not a promising data.
So there I was sitting in the middle of the clinic lost in my thought. How am I supposed to explain this to my husband? This treatment is draining whatever small savings we have. I sent sms to my brother who is in other country and my sister who is at home telling them of the heart-breaking result. They both consoled me saying we did what we could. That I have to let it go and let God take charge.
I couldn’t contain my emotions, I went outside and cried. It’s good that the clinic is near a busy street so people didn’t notice I was crying. I asked God: “why are you not listening to me?” and as if I realized it was I who wasn’t listening to Him. Perhaps, he had already told me conceiving this time is not possible and yet I persisted on my plan and now that things didn’t go as I expected I come to Him.
I don’t know what else to think. Or what else to tell God.
I guess I’m just tired right now.
Dear God, do you hear me? Do you hear my thoughts and prayers?
Labels: i feel..., My Fertility Treatment, puregon
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