of PCOs, Journey to Fertility and Miracle...

My estradiol level dropped. it's terrible!!!!!

I didn’t blog yesterday because I felt terrible. I felt so awful I didn’t feel blogging my thoughts and feelings. But this morning soon as I woke up I felt the need to blog. I need the world to know what happened to me on my treatment. I owe to women who, just like me, are struggling infertility.

August 6

My doc lowered the Puregon dosage I’m injecting for 5 days. From 75IU of Puregon she lowered it to just 50 IU. This was done to avoid over stimulation and other risks entailed. So we woke up early and went to the hospital for my lab test. I was so excited yesterday to have my Estradiol taken. I was expecting a higher level result. On the contrary, the result was heart-breaking. From 104pg/ml (August 01), yesterday it dived to just 73pg/ml. I felt awful. It was as if my world turned pitched black. All throughout our drive to my OB’s clinic, we were both silent. I didn’t know what to tell my husband. I couldn’t explain why my body didn’t yield higher Estradiol result. I was thinking 5 days of injecting daily 50IU of Puregon not to mention the money incurred in acquiring the medicine, were wasted. I felt like I’m a laboratory rat. Everything done to my body was series of tests to know which medicine and dosage will make my body respond positively.

When we got to the clinic and handed the result to my doc, my heart sank deeper when she confirmed my fear. Why do I need to hear it from the doc? The result was clear. My body wasn’t responding to just 50IU of Puregon for 5 days. She told me she only prescribed 75IU of Puregon to her fat clients. She then told me I’m neither fat nor thin yet I didn’t respond to 50 IU of Puregon. Thus, the need to resort to 75 IU of Puregon.

I would have told her, “You shouldn’t have lowered the dosage. Now see what happened. Our money was wasted, so was 5 days of stabbing my belly.” I wanted to tell her that word for word. But I didn’t. I chickened out. Besides, I also know for a fact that there was no way of knowing how my body will respond given continuous high dosage of Puregon.

The good thing with Estradiol is we can monitor developments whether I’m responding to Puregon or perhaps I’m already over stimulated. Still it doesn’t change the fact how I feel after the drop of my Estradiol level. I’m afraid we’re spending so much money and failing after. I was crying yesterday and telling my hubby about my anxiety over this Puregon and failing issues. What’s in store for us? What will be the outcome of this fertility treatment? What’s gonna happen next? I’ve given up my career for this treatment. I’ve given up my passion for fashion. I left my parents and our home and moved in with my husband. And I’m scared after giving up almost everything nothing might happen. Nothing good might happen.

I just want to bear children Lord. Why is it taking so much time and money? What have I done to deserve this?