Thursday, August 13, 2009
Since the beginning of my fertility treatment using puregon shots, i was always anxious and nervous of what the outcome be. There were times when I just cry. When we go to church, i cry as I talk to my God how I feel and how i'm doing. And there's a word i often tell my husband and that is:"SORRY".
I keep on telling him "sorry". I'm saying sorry because there's no guarantee i could give him children. I'm saying sorry because since we got married, I always get sick and he always spend for my medication. I'm saying sorry because there are things I could not do because of my condition. I'm saying sorry because of all he trouble and hassle he does every time he goes out of his work just because we need to go to the hospital for my check-up. and i'm saying sorry because he had to go back and forth our home and hospital to buy my medicine, pay our bill, buy my food, etc. All throughout the treatment he gave me the puregon shot. i didn't have the nerve to inject it myself. So he had to excuse himself from their office at a certain time of the day just to be home in time for my injection. and i would again tell him: "I'm sorry".
For all the trouble and for loving me ...
thank you so much, my Andy
I chat with my brother a while ago, he reminded me not to focus so much on "baby making" and "infertility" issue because it only make me depressed. Well, he is right. And i'm so anxious with the week's fertility treatment. Come saturday, my doctor will check the growth of my eggs. What will the result be? Will there be significant growth? Will my Estradiol level soar high enough to stimulate my eggs to mature? or Will imy eggs remain small and immature?
If my eggs remains unstimulated, all we spent on this treatment will be wasted. We spent so much on this treatment, failing it will be devastating to me. I have spoken to my husband about it. I don't know how to describe the sadness in his face.
Despite my doubt and fear, I pray for the success of this treatment.
This morning I whisphered a prayer to God about my anxiety. I told Him perhaps what I'm asking is impossible but I know nothing is impossible to Him. I have reached the end of my rope; I surrendered to Him all my worries. After all, i am just human.
My brother told me to do something that would divert my attention to this infertility treatment. He suggested that i should go to school again. I would love to enroll in fashion school but to this day I don't have the financial capacity since this treatment is taking so much of our finances. I'm keeping my fingers cross.
I keep on telling him "sorry". I'm saying sorry because there's no guarantee i could give him children. I'm saying sorry because since we got married, I always get sick and he always spend for my medication. I'm saying sorry because there are things I could not do because of my condition. I'm saying sorry because of all he trouble and hassle he does every time he goes out of his work just because we need to go to the hospital for my check-up. and i'm saying sorry because he had to go back and forth our home and hospital to buy my medicine, pay our bill, buy my food, etc. All throughout the treatment he gave me the puregon shot. i didn't have the nerve to inject it myself. So he had to excuse himself from their office at a certain time of the day just to be home in time for my injection. and i would again tell him: "I'm sorry".
For all the trouble and for loving me ...
thank you so much, my Andy
I chat with my brother a while ago, he reminded me not to focus so much on "baby making" and "infertility" issue because it only make me depressed. Well, he is right. And i'm so anxious with the week's fertility treatment. Come saturday, my doctor will check the growth of my eggs. What will the result be? Will there be significant growth? Will my Estradiol level soar high enough to stimulate my eggs to mature? or Will imy eggs remain small and immature?
If my eggs remains unstimulated, all we spent on this treatment will be wasted. We spent so much on this treatment, failing it will be devastating to me. I have spoken to my husband about it. I don't know how to describe the sadness in his face.
Despite my doubt and fear, I pray for the success of this treatment.
This morning I whisphered a prayer to God about my anxiety. I told Him perhaps what I'm asking is impossible but I know nothing is impossible to Him. I have reached the end of my rope; I surrendered to Him all my worries. After all, i am just human.
My brother told me to do something that would divert my attention to this infertility treatment. He suggested that i should go to school again. I would love to enroll in fashion school but to this day I don't have the financial capacity since this treatment is taking so much of our finances. I'm keeping my fingers cross.
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